i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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