i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We named our party play list daddy issues
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
