Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
