please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
