The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
FUCK WHALES
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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