I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
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My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
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we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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