Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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