He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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