Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
