i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
