Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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