Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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