Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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