Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
