I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
