I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
