theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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