Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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