If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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