I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
