My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
