so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
