You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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