you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
