I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
