I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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