wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
