I accidentally burped into my bong.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
