hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
