Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
