i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
