I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
