So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
