you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
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Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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