addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
