i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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