New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
