This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
