Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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