im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
