if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
