My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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