you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
