I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
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I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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