So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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