For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
