I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
