Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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