So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
