Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
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If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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