Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
