I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
