I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
