Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
