Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
This house was built for laser tag.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
