Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize