i don't like sucking hair
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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