Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize