textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
