so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize