what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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