Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
