At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
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There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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