Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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