I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize