wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
