I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
