I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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