I think I died a long time ago.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
