I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
