Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Randomize
