I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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