i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
