TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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