I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
