I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
